I think they need to take the word ‘diet’ and remove the letter ‘t’.  Because everytime I try to go on one, or think about going on one, I feel like a part of me has died.  The part that likes to eat chocolate, peanut butter, bread, rice, and…well, FOOD.  However, that part and the part that hates looking at myself in the mirror have fought it out and I’ve decided that I’m going to die…..t.

Yes, staring at the flabby thighs that are like wind chimes – yes, they make their own music when I go for a walk.  I can see neighbors pulling back their curtains to see who and what this noise is!  The site is not much prettier I’m sure.

My husband, bless him, says I look great.  Of course, what else would he say?  If he truly told me that I looked like a horse parked at the corral when I’m cooking dinner, or that sleeping with me was like sharing the bed with Babe, then I would have to …well, put him on a ‘die’t as well.  One that consisted of nothing but water and bread – unbuttered and moldy of course.

My breasts are going to suffer, but that’s okay.  They’ve made a great friend in my belly button, but let’s face it, they’re like separate ends of the scale (pardon the pun) and need to take time to live on their own.  I would love to go out jogging, but would be afraid to come home with two black eyes.  Plus we don’t want to scare the neighbors too badly - imagine what type of music would play with this bouncing up and down your street??  It would be like rap crossed with country…… I wouldn’t just lose my job, husband, and dog, but I would also bang my head at the same time!

This brings me to another question.  I’ve seen people out jogging, getting in shape and staying firm.  However, is it only SKINNY people who jog, or are they skinny BECAUSE they jog??  Cause I don’t see any 200lb people out there huffing and puffing……where are they doing it?  On a treadmill?  That’s an idea too, but my poor floorboards…..perhaps a good present for my birthday.

To all you who have “died” and were successful, more power to you.  For those of you, like me, who have tried and keep ‘living’ instead……have a piece of cheesecake on me!! 

(if only coffee would make me smaller.  We need an elixir…..or whatever)  that’s my brew for today! 

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