Bonnie griped about the boysÂ smothering their meat and two vege in skin tight spandex, well I’m going to further her trend and clammer on about another fashion atrocity. It’s oneÂ that’sÂ slithering its way insidiously down the cat walk with much less grace and charm than any cat, letÂ me tell you.Â
If you haven’t guessed from my title, I’mÂ talking about a resurgance of 80’s fashion.Â That’s right.Â Oh my gawd, Bonnie,Â look at her butt,Â it’s coveredÂ with leggings! And her boobs are underÂ aÂ glow in the dark orange and yellow sweater from Benetton’s.Â I thought they’d closedÂ backÂ whenÂ hair no longer flew in the ‘mall poof’. But no, they’re open!Â This horror cannot be born!Â Â
I have a horrible confession to make. Just likeÂ KT’s song says, I was an 80’s lady and there’s nothing much fashion-wiseÂ this ladyÂ didn’t try.Â Â FRANKIE SAY!Â Tshirts were in so I wore them, bright orange, mind you with a pair of purple leggings, and some bright white high heel lace up boots complete with lacy socks.Â I was hip, hot and desperately seeking to shed someone (me)Â so I could become Madonna but no matter how high I teasedÂ my hair, it stayed brown. Â
I had stirrup pants that left me withÂ a strange kangaroo pouch between my knees. What was I supposed to do with that, store fruit in it, or perhaps my keys,Â who knows?Â I even had parachute pants! Now those were a fashion faux pas for any shorty chunky chick–which unfortunately, I was. However, I and others outgrew the mall hair, the mall makeup–yellow, orange, green and blue, we are all Smurfy Too! What was up with that?–oh, right, United Colors of Benetton again, those people should have to pay for therapy if you ask me.Â I barely survived with my sanity and my lungs–hair spray inhalation-intact.
So,Â nowÂ fashion magazines are telling me that skinny leggedÂ faded black jeans with zippersÂ on the sides are back, again?Â Are you kidding me?Â I refuse to succumb toÂ those skin mongers’Â rank inability to come up with an original idea to save theirÂ models’ bulimic little lives.Â
I thought it was funny when they rehashed the 50’s.Â With 60’s and those psychodelic shirts it was cool, as who doesn’t think that decade doesn’t need to be relived?Â The 70’s gave me a bit of a sick feeling in the pit of my stomach, bell bottoms make me dizzy. Bellbottom courdaroy’s are a fire hazzard waiting to happen, what with friction and all.
But to have to go through the frenetic eye-wateringÂ fashions ofÂ the 80′ akaÂ theÂ Me Decade all over again without the benefit of Different Strokes, Three’s Company, Magnum P.I. ,The Facts of Life, or and this is the most important, hearing actual music on MTVÂ to soften the day glow blow, I’m sorry it’s just wrong.Â Â
Someone once said, those that don’t know their history are bound to repeat it. But we are repeating it over and over again. To borrow the title of Â 80’s star, Michael J Fox’sÂ most popular movie franchise: Why can’tÂ the fashion houses go Back To the Future instead of continually borrowing from the past?
Like the shirt I mentioned above Frankie says, relax, butÂ he also says.Â Â Don’t Do it!Â
- About the Author
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Claudine The Mean-
Welcome to my wicked world where I talk about the important things in life, for instance me! All right, I’ll throw in some books just to make Bonnie happy.