717894.jpgMy most embarrassing moment, wow, this will take a while, not because I haven’t got one, but because I have so many to choose from!   I am embarrassed from both the incident and the movie we went to see, just so you know.

To set the stage, it was 1997, and my husband (not at the time, of course) thought he’d be sly and get one over on me by saying he’d take my daughter and his niece to see the movie Spice World as these two little munchkins loved them so much. He is a shy man, and this was the only way he thought I’d agree to a second date.   He’s my second husband of course, and yet another example of the second chance at love going wonderfully. (Sigh) Ok, enough of the mushy stuff, sorry. 

 

So, my daughter and his niece get their popcorn, candy and cokes and go down to the front of the theater to see Ginger Spice’s ginormous bazooms up close, while we stayed in the back where it was safe, in case of bra breakage.   It was dark and rather nice to have a large handsome man’s arm across the back of my seat if you must know.    I will blame that distraction on what happened next. 

 

The girls had been up and down the aisles about twenty times for various reasons.  “More popcorn, more coke, candy, I gotta pee etc.”  So, when they came to the end of my seat aisle and stopped, I automatically stood up and walked up to them. 

 

At the time, by a strange cinematic miracle, something interesting was happening on the screen, maybe Ginger and Scary were fighting and I hoped that one of them would get a chipped nail or a ripped hair extension.  Or maybe the soon to be husband had been rubbing his fingers up and down my neck in a most disarming manner. I don’t really recall, however, without taking my eyes off the screen I leaned down, took both girls’ hands, and said. “Well, come on, dang it, and let’s go to the bathroom, again, jeez, no more cokes for yall!”   And tugged.  

Nothing happened.  I pulled harder.   “I said come to the bathroom with me now!”

 

Nothing happened except for very small squeaks.   I look down and by the light of Posh Spice’s frosted lipstick; I could finally see what the deal was.  Two little girls gaped up at me, their eyes wide and beseeching but…  Oh. My. God! These were not my babies! I felt the eyes of the entire theater on me as I attempted to kidnap strange children and take them to the bathroom for God knows what! I heard the soon to be ex- soon to be hubby laughing his butt off behind me.  I gasped in horror, dropped the strange and terrified children’s hands like hot potatoes, ran back to my seat, and hid my face in my hands.

 

I swore I’d never come go back to the movie theater again, unless Hugh, Vitto, or Johnny were on the big silver screen, because I have no shame when they’re involved.  I mean, come on people wolverines, kings, and pirates, oh my! I still can’t watch that stupid movie without recalling this incident or my husband snickering and asking me if I feel the urge to kidnap other people’s children and take them to the bathroom.   I thought he was so sweet, you know.  Ha! The honeymoon was over before we even got the rings.  At least we always have Spice World. Yeck!    

Jenna Leigh

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